Who's the Seeker
by Cow as White as Milk
Summary: Hermione at a Quidditch game. Need I say more?


Who's the Seeker?

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Who, What, I Don't Know, Why, Because, Tomorrow, Today or I Don't Give a Darn. They belong to Abbott and Costello. Nor do I own Ron or Hermione. They belong to JKR.

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Hermione brought an every flavor bean to her lips and chewed while thanking the powers that be that she hadn't bit into anything that she would regret. She was currently sitting on a bleacher at the Canons Stadium next to her best friend who had decided to ask her to come along. "Thank you, Ron for bringing me along. It was real sweet of you. Can you tell me the names of the team we are rooting for?"

Ron nodded. "Sure."

She stared at him waiting for him to continue. "Go on then."

Ron blanched at the tone in her voice. "Well, you know sometimes nowadays they give professional quidditch players funny nicknames."

Hermione shook her head now remembering why she had never liked talking about quidditch with the boys. She let a sigh escape her lips as she knew full well that she couldn't get out of it now. So she simply raised her eyebrow in mild interest so that he may know that he could go on.

Ron grinned. "Okay, let's see." he said as he pointed to some of the players riding their brooms around the pitch. "Who's the seeker, What's the first beater, I Don't Know's the second beater."

Hermione furrowed her brows not knowing what to say. "That's what I wanna find out."

Ron gave her a quizzical look as if he wasn't sure if she understood. "I say - Who's the seeker, What's the first beater, I Don't Know's the second beater."

Hermione gapped at him. "Don't you know their names?"

Ron nodded. "Certainly!"

She shook her head. "Well then who's the seeker?"

"Yes!" Ron said estatically.

Hermione shook her head. "I mean his name!"

"Who." He answered back.

"The seeker!"

"Who!"

"The seeker!"

"Who!"

Hermione pointed at one of the players. "The guy who is seeking!"

Ron followed suite with a pointed finger of his own. "Who is seeking!"

Hermione shrugged in confusion. "What are you asking me for?"

Ron pointed and waved his arms to try to get his point across. "I'm telling you Who is the seeker."

Hermione threw up her arms as well. "Well, I'm asking YOU who's is the seeker!"

Ron grumbled something about book worms and no brains. "That's the man's name."

"That's who's name?" Hermione asked.

"Yes." Ron said as he stole one of her every flavor beans and popped it in his mouth. He made a face that told his companion that he didn't quite like the taste.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well go on and tell me."

"About Who."

"The seeker."

"Who!"

"Arrrg!" Hermione ground out. There had to be another way around this. "Was a contract signed with the seeker?"

"Absolutely." Ron said.

Hermione shrugged. "Who signs the contract?" She asked.

Ron mimicked her with a shrug of his own. "Well, naturally!"

Hermione groaned. The man was just not making any sense. "When the seeker get's paid, who gets the money?"

"Every bit of it. Why not? The man's entitled to it." Ron stated.

Hermione gave him a blank stare. "Who is?"

"Yes."

Hermione snorted. "All I'm trying to find out is what is the seekers name."

Ron waved his hands in front of him as if to tell her to stop. "Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is the first beater."

Hermione gapped at him. "I'm not asking you who's the first beater."

"Who is the seeker." Ron stated.

Hermione threw up her arms. "I don't know."

Ron shook his head. "He's the second beater - now we're not talkin' 'bout him."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Now, how did we get on the subject of the second beater?"

Ron pointed a finger at her. "You mentioned his name!"

Hermione shook her head. "No I didn't! If I mentioned the second beater's name, who did I say was the second beater?"

"No," Ron said as if talking to a child. "Who's the seeker."

Hermione made a cutting motion at her throat. "Never mind, first - I wanna know what's the name of the second beater."

Ron shook his head. "No - What's the first."

"I'm not askin' you who's the first." She stated with a raise of her voice.

"Who's the seeker."

Hermione threw her hands in the air. "I don't know."

Ron pointed at his companion once again. "He's the second beater."

Hermione slammed her hand down on her thigh. "Aaah! Would you please stay on the subject of the second beater and don't go off it?"

Ron gave her a confused look. "What was it you wanted?"

Hermione counted to ten hoping to control thae anger that was currently building. "Now who's the second beater?"

Ron shook his head and took a sip of his drink. "Now why do you insist on putting Who in that position?"

"Why? Who am I putting there?" She asked.

"Yes." Ron nodded. "But we don't want him there."

Hermione groaned. "What's the second beater's name?"

"What is the first." He corrected.

"I'm not askin' you who's is the first."

"Who's the seeker."

Hermione through up her hand. "I don't know!"

"He's the second beater."

Hermione shook her head. Apparently she was going to get nowhere with this so she decided to change tactics. "And the chaser's names?"

Ron smiled, "Oh yeah!"

"Let's start with the first chaser?" Hermione suggested.

"Why."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you."

Ron groaned. "Well, I just thought I'd tell you!"

Hermione nodded. "Good, alright then tell me who's the first chaser."

Ron shook his head. "Who is se-"

Hermione cuffed him upside the head. "Dammit Ron! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT CHASERS! I wanna know what's the first ones name."

Ron rubbed his head. "What's the first beater."

"I'm not askin' you who's the first beater." Hermione stated with a shake of her head.

"Who's the seeker."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. Now tell me, the first chaser's name?"

"Why."

"Because!"

Ron grinned. "Oh, he's the second chaser."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look, is there a third chaser on this team?"

Ron nodded. "It wouldn't be a team without a third chaser."

"And his name?" She asked.

"Tomorrow."

"You don't wanna tell me today?"

Ron shook his head. "I'm tellin' you now."

"Good" She sniffed. "Then go ahead."

"Tomorrow."

"What time?"

"'What time' what?"

Hermione growled. She was starting to feel a headache coming on. "What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who is the third chaser?"

"Now listen." He said raising his hand to stop her. "Who is not the third chaser. Who is the see..."

Hermione grabbed his hand and squeezed it till she saw him flinch. "I'll break your hand if you say 'Who's the seeker.' I wanna know what's the third chaser's name."

"What's the first beater."

Hermione dropped his hand. "I don't know. What about a standby to replace an injured player?"

Ron nodded. "Oh, absolutely."

Hermione glared. "His name."

"Today."

Hermione gasped. "I think I understand. Today. And Tomorrow's the third chaser."

Ron nodded. "Now you've got it."

Hermione frowned. "All we've got is a couple of days on the team."

Ron gave her a cockeyed grin. "Well, I can't help that."

"Now suppose that I'm the replacement," Hermione pointed at herself. "Tomorrow's chasing on my team and their best beater comes at us.

Ron nodded that he was understanding.

"Tomorrow throws the ball. The beater bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good team mate, I wanna throw the guy off his broom. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

Ron scrunched up his face. "Very close, but not quite."

Hermione threw up her hands again. "I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!"

Ron nodded enthusiastically. "Well, that's all you have to do."

"Is to throw the ball to what?"

"Yes."

Hermione glared. "Now who's got it?"

Nope!

"If I throw the ball to the first beater, somebody's gotta hit it. Now who hit it?" She asked.

"Nope!"

"Who caught it?"

"Nope."

"Who?"

"Nope!

"Nope." She repeated.

Ron grinned. "Yes."

Hermione seemed to think it over for a second. "So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Nope."

"NO, NO, NO!" He said waving his hands. "You throw the ball to the first beater and who gets it?"

"Nope." She quessed.

"That's right. There we go." He said with a nod.

"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Nope."

"Oi, You don't!

"Then, I throw it to who?"

"Nope."

Hermione cuffed him again. "THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!"

Ron shook his head. "You're not saying it that way."

Hermione nodded. "I said I throw the ball to Nope."

"You don't - you throw the ball to who?" Ron asked.

"Nope!"

Ron pointed at her. "Well, say that!"

Hermione groaned. "THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?"

"Nope." Ron shook his head.

"Okay, Ron. Why don't you ask me."

"Okay, you throw the ball to Who?"

"Nope!"

Ron pointed at her. "That's it."

"SAME AS YOU! I throw the ball to the first beater and who gets it?"

"Nope!"

"Who has it?" She asked.

Ron shook his head. "Nope!"

"HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to the first beater. Whoever it is grabs the ball, and makes his way across the field. Who is chasing the snitch. What, What hits it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know hits it back to Tomorrow.

"Yes." Ron stated.

"Another guy from the other team beats it away from Tomorrow - Because. Why? I don't know. He's a beater and I don't give a darn!"

"What was that?" Ron asked confused.

"I said I don't give a darn!"

"Oh, that's the referee."

Hermione placed her aching head in her hands. "Grrr..."

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So, what did you think...LOL...I always loved that skit. Anyways, please review! 


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